Our society has predefined norms related to gender role and relationship among young adults. So when an individual does not follow these set norms, it can bring chaos for both individuals involved. Minor fights and arguments are common between partners, where small faults and dislikes are talked about. But when certain undesirable habits or unacceptable behavior become constant, it can create unsolvable issues for any couple.
Of course, compromise is necessary; you can’t just leave or break off every relationship you’re in just because things aren’t as smooth as you wished they would be. But if things are getting out of control and forcing you to stay in an unhappy relationship, then it is time to break free. Nobody wishes to stay in an unsatisfying relationship and suffer in silence. There are some obvious signs, habits, and actions that should never be tolerated. No matter how much you love your partner, there comes a time when you need to stop and say – enough is enough. Men and women are guilty of both, committing and enduring such behavior. Which is why it is important to nip such behavior in the bud, or just exclude yourself out of the equation.
Stop Suffering and Call it Quits When …
… you sense that your emotions are being toyed with. A loving relationship is like a flower, which requires an ample amount of patience, care, trust, commitment, and compromise to survive and flourish. So when these elements are missing in your relationship, and hurtful behavior makes ceaseless appearances, it’s time to put an end to it.
Cheating and adultery is a big no-no, and can never be accepted, no matter what the circumstances may be. It’s difficult to deal with the situation when you find out that the one you love has been having an affair behind your back. Being unfaithful with your partner is an unforgivable offense committed by some individuals.
A little flirting never hurt anybody. But if this behavior becomes a continuous habit, it can lead to severe problems for a couple. Flirting with someone you’re not involved with means that you, the guilty, are not respecting your partner’s feelings. And as for the innocent one, it can make him/her feel worthless.
What ‘mental abuse’ means is that your partner is either emotionally hurting you, and/or is threatening to end the relationship altogether. Here, the individual uses mind games and tactics to make you do exactly what he/she wants. This behavior is unhealthy for a couple and should never be permitted.
Any kind of abuse is intolerable. And when things come to an individual becoming violent in his/her behavior, you know you have to get out. Violence can never be justified, and requires you to take some serious action against it. Don’t think for a second that giving them another chance will bring any change in their behavior.
Your partner is chatting with an attractive person, so it’s natural to become slightly jealous. But when jealousy reaches the point where an innocent conversation is mistaken for something else, it can create problems. Jealousy makes way for possessiveness and lack of faith in each other. Dealing with someone who gets jealous of every little incident is a difficult task.
It’s a serious problem when your partner does not give you the respect you deserve. Under no circumstances should your partner, or any other individual for that matter, humiliate you or say something to hurt your self-esteem. People who offend others and put others down so they can feel good about themselves are shallow and shouldn’t be interacted with.
They say that a white lie never hurts anyone. In fact, many believe that it helps keep relationships strong when you choose not to disclose certain information to your partner. However, no matter how much someone justifies it, a lie is a lie is a lie. Dishonesty with the person you love is like cheating with their feelings and emotions. If your partner has lied to you once, chances are he/she can and will do it again.
Taking for Granted
People who overlook this behavior almost always end up regretting it. Being taken for granted hurts, as you let someone else rule your life and call the shots. It’s okay to adjust once in a while, but losing your self-confidence and your importance is not right. You cannot let someone else, even if you love each other very much, make you feel unimportant or take complete control over who you are as an individual.
Any relationship, whether it is personal or professional, requires all the parties involved to be treated equally. The same goes for a couple who should be investing equal amounts of time to the relationship, where everything should be shared evenly; this includes chores, responsibilities, time, money, and effort. When one of the two starts to pull back or isn’t as committed as the other, the relationship is bound to fail.
Discontent with the Past
Everyone has a past. People make certain choices or mistakes that they are accountable for. If your partner is giving you a hard time about your past relationships or choices you’ve made, you need to make it clear that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. Whether your choices were right or wrong, they were made by you; and nobody has the power to challenge them because these choices have brought you to where you are today.
Adjusting with your partner’s family and friends is never easy. But when your partner is keeping you away from them, it makes your relationship with your partner difficult. Even though your family may not be perfect, you have an unbreakable bond with them. The same goes for your friends; they are an integral part of your life. And no one can and should keep you away from them or disrespect them.
Criticism is healthy, but up to a certain level. When criticism transforms into negative reactions to every little thing you do, sparks are going to fly (and not in a good way). Nobody likes to be told that they are wrong for anything and everything they do. So when you are supposedly in a loving relationship and your partner keeps criticizing you, you shouldn’t feel compelled to change your behavior. The problem is with him/her.
Why do we work? It’s simple, actually; so we can spend it on food, water, shelter, for our secured future, and the things we want in life. It’s easy to spend money, but to do so responsibly is tough. Not everyone knows how to be financially responsible, save for the future, and differentiate between ‘want’ and ‘need’. So if you feel that your partner is spending his/her or your money uncontrollably, it’s time to have the talk.
Lack of Communication
Not being able to communicate properly with the person you’re involved with is a deal breaker. It’s common to sometimes run out of topics to discuss on. But when you and your partner can’t even have a normal conversation, or won’t share the details of your lives with one another, how can you expect the relationship to flourish? Lack of communication only increases the distance between a couple, and this gap is difficult to bridge.
Every individual is unique, in the ways he/she thinks, acts, works, and lives. Some people like to take control over things and decisions to be made, while others go with the flow; this applies to couples as well. However, this behavior can affect what happens between the couple in the long run. It’s good to take charge of things. But this control shouldn’t make your partner dominate every little aspect of your life.
It’s the Alcohol Talking
Words spoken under the influence of alcohol are like poison in a relationship. Your partner, while drunk, can easily lose control over what he/she wishes to convey to you. But it’s not just the spoken words that can hurt your feelings; what comes afterward isn’t always pretty. It doesn’t take much to ruin a relationship; and this can mean a few drinks here and there.
Not Showing Affection
What do we want from the person we love? Mostly it’s just love and affection. When you’re in a relationship, you want to have fun and live life to the fullest. The closeness that a couple experiences is magical and can’t be substituted with anyone or anything else. So when your partner is too busy doing other things, or does not give you the attention you crave, then perhaps he/she is not worth your love.
Not Accepting Kids
If you have kids from a previous relationship and are now with someone else, it requires extra effort from both of you to make things work. If your partner isn’t ready to accept your kids and is making you feel guilty that you always put them first, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Your kids do come first, and if your current partner doesn’t seem to understand this simple logic, then he better start packing up.
When your partner starts keeping tabs on you, or begins snooping through your stuff, you should call him/her on it. Spying is unacceptable, under any circumstances, and should never, ever be tolerated. This behavior from your partner means that they don’t trust you completely and need to know what you do at all times. When you haven’t done anything wrong and have nothing to hide from your partner, he/she has no right to spy on you.
This is one of the most common, yet neglected behavior among couples. When you start becoming comfortable around your partner, it’s natural to listen and do anything and everything he/she says. But there is one thing that is overlooked in such situations – your ideas, beliefs, and opinions are strangled. No matter how long you’ve been with someone, you cannot let anyone suppress your individuality.
It’s easy to say that when something isn’t working in a relationship, you should end it and move on. But it becomes tough for those involved in such relationships to actually muster up the courage and do what seems right. So my advice to you is to be absolutely sure about what you want in your relationship and how you wish to be treated. When you are clear with your intentions, no one has the power to bring you down.
Author’s Note – Recently, I read a book by Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (which has been made into a movie as well). In the novel, there is a line said by one of the characters that might describe the feelings or thoughts behind people who do tolerate and stay in an unhappy relationship – We accept the love we think we deserve.