― Robert Frost
However, is this really going to make your ex fall for you again? Is this going to make you the person they fell in love with in the first place? Is this going to make YOU feel happy? No, it’s not! So what can you do that will salvage your dignity and make your ex wonder what in the world happened to you? The answer is: The No Contact Rule.
Let’s say that your ex is an addiction that you have to get rid of. What do you do when you have to get over an addiction? Cut it out from your life, completely! It’s the same with getting over the need for your ex. Cut him out from your life, and move on. You have to start loving yourself and your life without him, which is what will make your ex start to have second thoughts if he did the right thing by breaking up!
Keep in mind though, the No Contact Rule is not meant for revengeful purposes or to hurt anyone in the process. This rule is for you, and your peace of mind. We all know that happiness is a choice, and through the NC Rule, you’re going to be making yourself happy and releasing yourself from the pain that you’re going through.
Who doesn’t like to shop? Go buy that dress you’ve been eyeing since forever. Try on that pair of shoes that has practically been calling you out whenever you pass the store. Get some funny posters for your room. Bags, jewelry, perfume, things for your house, there are so many things you’ve been wanting to buy but haven’t had the time before this. Go crazy and splurge. (Of course, remember to splurge in a reasonable manner, don’t forget your credit card limits when you’re shopping.)
Get a makeover
You have to start feeling good NOW to heal yourself from the pain you’re suffering from. Will looking different make you feel amazing? If yes, do it. Get a different haircut, start wearing your makeup differently, tweak your fashion sense a little. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at all the compliments you receive from everyone around you, and it will definitely give your ego the boost it requires. Please note, though, don’t get a dramatic makeover that you might regret in the near future. For instance, if you’re not really into coloring your hair but you get your hair colored purple just to look different, you might regret doing it once the novelty is gone.
Join a gym, or if you’re already a member, start going regularly. If you’re not a big fan of gyms, go jogging every morning. Play whichever sport you love. Take yoga classes. Go dancing. Physical exercise is very important when you’re getting over a breakup. Firstly, it helps you keep in shape, and we all want to look our best at all times, don’t we? Secondly, exercise releases endorphins in your body, and endorphins make you feel re-energized and happy. Plus, exercise is great for your health.
Spend time with your friends
This is a great way to keep your mind from wandering and thinking about your ex. Your friends are people who love you unconditionally, and are ready to help you have a good time no matter what the situation might be. Maybe, you haven’t had the chance to meet them as often as you’d like when you were in a relationship, and here’s your opportunity to do all that you’ve missed out on! Meet your friends for a drink, go partying together, have fun lunches, and make dates with your friends that will leave you thanking the Universe for surrounding you with such amazing people. Remember, your friends are always looking out for you and want the best for you. Trust them and let your hair down, they won’t let you feel sad for a minute.
If this is possible for you, you should definitely take some time off and travel. It doesn’t matter where you go―the point is to get away from the place where you’ve spent the last few days and nights moping about what went wrong. Go visit your grandparents, or that aunt who lives in the country. Stay at your parents’ for a few days. Go sightseeing with your brothers or sisters. Rent a cabin in the mountains with your friends, or if you’re up for it, travel alone. Traveling will give you the much-needed change of scenery and will lift your mood drastically. You’ll also meet new people, or reconnect with those you love, as the case may be. Whatever state of mind you leave for your travel in, we assure you, you’ll come back feeling completely different.
See other people
There are mixed opinions about dating during the No Contact period. We’re not saying that you have to get into a committed relationship right now, simply because getting into a serious relationship before you get over an earlier one will just lead to heartbreak again. Feeling sad absolutely cannot be the reason to commit yourself to another person, and it isn’t fair to either of you. However, we don’t see why you can’t go on some light-hearted dates. Ask your friends or your family to set you up with someone, and meet them for a casual drink or maybe a movie. You’ll have fun and definitely feel good in someone else’s company.
If you’re ready to follow the NC Rule, we’re sure you’re going to keep yourself super-busy. But don’t forget to relax and spend time with yourself every once in a while. There are plenty of things you can do to simply relax―visit the spa, meditate, do yoga, and anything else that makes you feel calm and serene.
Even though you’re dreading to meet people and have them talk to you when you’re having a crisis of your own, you cannot call in sick and stay home from work. Agreed, work may not be fun. But trust us, anything is better than having work-related stress added to your troubles. Also, you’ll be surrounded by people at work, and you’ll feel much better in their company than in your own at this time. Going to work and resuming your daily routine will definitely help you follow the No Contact Rule, simply because you won’t have enough time to even think about contacting your ex when you’re busy with your own work.
The ‘Ex Obsession’
Even though it will seem really hard, you have to stop obsessing over your ex. It is completely natural, and we all do it. Post the breakup, you miss your ex more than you thought was possible, and you want to be constantly updated about their life. However, it is one thing to see their social networking profile once a week, and another to keep checking for their updates every few minutes. Force yourself to avoid visiting their profile altogether. If you find yourself weakening, delete your own social networking profile for a few weeks. Although this seems drastic, it will definitely help stop the obsession.
Drinking way too much
You may find that drinking a little more than usual helps dim the pain to quite an extent. But this is one major thing you have to avoid―you cannot start drinking way too much to help you get over the breakup. It won’t solve the problem, but will just end up giving you severe hangovers, and maybe, even an addiction to alcohol or drugs. While it’s okay for an occasional step out of line if you’re partying with your best friends, do not, at any cost, drunk-dial your ex and say things you’ll definitely regret later.
You have a child together
In such a case, following the NC Rule for the desired period of time will be difficult. Even then, treat your ex like any other acquaintance you have. Avoid any mention of the relationship, and don’t start or get involved in any personal conversations. Make small talk for the sake of your child and remain polite. Remember to keep your child as the only topic of conversation between you and your ex.
You work together
If you both work together, remain cordial with your ex and make sure to talk only when it is absolutely necessary. Don’t rush to tell all your colleagues about your breakup, and don’t badmouth your ex in your office. It doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong, it is very important to keep your personal life away from your workplace.
You live together
This can be the most difficult situation of all, because you can’t follow the No Contact Rule if you’re going to be around each other all the time. Until one of you finds another place to live in, make sure you have a separate room for yourself. Make small talk whenever necessary, and refrain from mentioning your relationship or breakup in front of your ex.
After a month of focusing on yourself, lots of things will change. You may realize that you’re probably better off without your ex and the relationship. You’ll start to see things much more clearly and the hopeless longing for your ex will disappear, and this is a good thing! You will also find that thinking about the relationship doesn’t hurt as much as it did a month ago, and that talking to your ex isn’t very difficult either. You may also find that your ex is trying hard to get back in touch with you, and maybe, this time, things might work out for good.
This rule also keeps you away from the infamous concept of on-off relationships, where couples break up and get back together every once in a while. This isn’t a healthy relationship at all, and will hurt you much more than this heartbreak in the long run.